Hello sunshine, the earth says “hello”!

Last night was a night of serious self-discovery and realisation. Lately I’ve been having a hard time coping with anything, so I started running away from my problems more than ever. It was a dead-end, though. I could just tell. I wasn’t brave enough to face up to it alone so I got Lucy to help me. I’ve got to tell you, when you’re on an acid trip you can not run away from anything. Once those two little squares were tucked under my tongue I knew I had at least 12 hours ahead of me to fight, to listen, to think. You know the expression, “if these walls could talk”? Well, last night they were talking. I remembered the happiest I’ve ever been. Still far from it, but closer than ever before or after. I realised that I can never fit a morning into my day; I can never fit myself into my life; and that I need to hit the bottom before I can jump back up. I wrote pages and pages in my journal about how the very people whom I love and vice versa are the ones that are hurting me. My family, my boyfriend of two years and a few of my oldest friends. They’re so demanding, they have such high expectations. They want me to be proper and clean, but how the fuck am I supposed to get clean if they won’t let me role in the mud for a while? I feel like I’m soaked in oil and the whole world around me is water beading off of me. We’re aware of each other but we’ve never made real contact. For some reason I also mentioned being on LSD to Billie-Jo. He went from friendly and sweet to cold and distant. I’ve never had a relationship that fucked up in my life. Our past, the way he acts when we’re alone vs. around people. I told him I was kidding but he still said “goodnight” and signed off. 
Biggest down side to LSD = psychosis. l: 

Till next time - EEC